I feel as though I could write some epic Shakespearean montage around the occurrences between this cat and I. It's not the older cat, oh not. Leo is my home-slice. He's my cat-dog. I'm referring to the awful little monkey-spit that is the younger "kitten". He's about a year and half now but I suppose that is somewhere between kitten and "menace from hell".
I know, you're clicking your tongue at me thinking "oh you're exaggerating, he can't be that bad, kittens are wonderful and cats treat you nice if you just show them so-"
silence, seriously. You know not of what you speak.
This cat... thing. He craves water constantly. But not just any water, his water must be fresh, and cold, and it must have ice cubes. If his water is not all of the above, if his water is older than just a few hours, if his water does not meet his standards of excellence then he sits in the middle of the kitchen and goes
"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh"
".....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEh"
because he doesn't have a manly CAT voice, he has a "im a prissy little annoying monster" I do believe he took lessons from Katie Perry on how to articulate and vocally stab you. Of course that's not all. If he decides that you're taking too long to change the water he starts picking up food from his dish, carries it over to his water bowl and opens his mouth.
*PLOP!* Food in the water dish. Because he thinks if I see that it is dirty, I will change it faster. This has subsided a bit because I will not be manipulated. I make him wait longer for water if he does this.
But the struggle continues! He is not satisfied when he has cold water in his bowl. If there is an alternative to the cold water in his bowl, say...a colder glass of water on the table or my desk then he goes for that. Oh he doesn't just drink from it. No he rams his head into it and knocks it to the floor, shattering it. He has broken over a half dozen glasses doing this. Even if he is left fresh water before bed, he will attempt to get the last smidgen of water from a water glass occasionally left on a counter in the kitchen... knock it over...and shatter it.
Shall I end there? Nay. God forbid that the litter box be clean for more than 30 seconds. If I put fresh litter in, every time, he is digging in it in less than a minute and will deposit the worst load a cat can deposit. Every time. And since I change the box pretty regularly this is almost a daily occurrence.
He has recently taken a fancy to the new garden we're starting, which has to be done inside due to the weather conditions. Green beans, peas, spinach, squash, tomatoes, peppers, corn. He keeps trying to EAT THEM. No matter how we guard them, he keeps trying to get at them and I'm quite literally ready to punch this cat in the face. I know that sounds terribly harsh, and I'd never do it, but it's necessary to express just how frustrated I am with this sack of fur.
To make matters worse, he's not even a good cat in terms of pets. Ive yet to meet a cat that didn't enjoy some measure of being a domesticated cat. IE: They either play, or they cuddle. One of the two, often both. I've met angry cats, but they still cuddle someone most of the time - generally their owner. This cat whines and complains in a long wail if you pick him up. He squirms and wont be held. He stares at you apathetically if you try to pet him, and he doesn't seem to understand the concept of playing. Try to play with him... and he stares at you.
I have a useless cat. Any takers?
Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media
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