I can't stop chewing these things...

Our neighbor is the sweetest woman, always giving treats to our daughter. Recently she gave us an entire bowl of hard candies. What's in there? these little strawberry candies.

I haven't had these in years, and had completely forgotten about them until I randomly tried one. The flavor, and the soft center... good lord I cannot stop chewing them. Sucking on these strawberry candies is not acceptable. Must chew.

I should also mention that I decided to start posting again. I spend pretty much every day writing professional for my clients and I never have a creative outlet for my own thoughts.

A lot of us turn to Facebook, but honestly folks... it's a status update it's not your diary. Hence das blog. Where the focus was once "warrior daddy, stay at home pirate captain" it's now here for my own amusement and random musing.

I'll probably track some weight loss stuff since I'm getting back to the gym, but for the most part it's going to be my collection of everything I find amusing. That includes making fun of people less fortunate than I.

Like my aunt, who is a crazy hillbilly.

I digress.

So welcome back if you've read previously. Thanks for visiting again. If I offend you, then I assure you in the most classy way possible I will tell you to go f&ck yourself.

Shopping Cart O' Fat

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am her everything. Unfortunately that job description includes doing things that don't seem even remotely awkward until I'm in the middle of it all.

For example - my lovely wife takes care of the house for the most part, including the general duties of bill paying and groceries. Her grocery lists contain the most vital elements that we need for our weekly menu. When I run out to get something small at the story, I'm often charged with retrieving those items necessary for her pregnancy to progress to the next stage.

Ice cream... check
Pepsi... check
chips... check
candy... check
chocolate (while technically candy, stands as its own food group)... check.

And then when I get to the checkout, all alone (sometimes with my daughter, but never the wife) I look into the cart and realize that the contents make me look like the lonely bachelor that has absolutely no clue what food really is. My cart is full of things that you're not supposed to eat.

And I have all of them. All at once. This is the point at which I try to make some funny comment about my pregnant wife sending me out to get her craving foods. The cashier does the "oooooooooh. ook."

Translation: "when was the last time you saw your feet, tubby?"

:P

"no...really I don't want to eat that"

As we draw closer to the birth of my next child, another dear little girl, I'm reflecting on the last 3 years with my daughter Emma. I'm already surrounded by estrogen and struggling to maintain some semblance of dignity and manhood.

It's fading, as our daughter Lily will be born in just a few short weeks. I'm pondering a number of things that have forced me to question the meaning of what it means to be a modern man and pappy.

Like the feeling of dreading a shopping trip, because there will always be the inevitable "here hold this" while a shiny black purse is thrust into my hands. My wife - 9 months pregnant - will opt to carry everything except her purse.

I got this, I'm a man. I can handle a purse.

"hold this, too honey" as my daughters pink princess backpack is thrust into my hands.

I got this, I'm a man. Gimmie the pink back pack.

"Hey daaaady, hold my princess!" as a barbie is thrust into my hands...along with strawberry shortcake, a brush, a baby bottle and her favorite teddy bear.

Starting to crack... I got this. I'm a man.

"And this too daddy!" as a matchbox car is handed to me. A red one with flames, and big mufflers. The kind I'll buy to support my midlife crisis.

I'm starting to come back at this point. Feelin like a man - thank you matchbox.

"daddy! I faaaaarted. You like it? You wanna eat it?"

....stunned silence from me, and though I don't want to admit it my daughter has just reminded me that despite being surrounded by women with more on the way I am in fact capable of corrupting my child - the creation of my army begins.

"No...really I don't want to eat that"

Just try to take this purse from me. I got this, I'm a man with a daughter that farts appetizers.



I'm a writer, marketer and I absolutely love copywriting along with anything fantasy related. In my free time I can be found on the beach or the paintball field - sometimes we combine the two. Head over to Thunderbaymedia.net for information on seo copywriting and website copywriting

Bowchicabow...blargh

I'm almost ashamed of this blog. Honestly, it was something I enjoyed posting to months and months ago but in my quest at the end of last to earn a little money blogging I sold out and commercialized my blog. Can you say blah? It made me want to post quality stuff less, because it looked weird mixed in with commercial crap.

I have to sincerely apologize for that - and that won't be happening again anywhere near my blog. I need a clean (relatively speaking) place to sound off when I need to do so. Since I'm still the warriordaddy, this is my place. I hid from my shame long enough, and I've returned to reclaim my blog space.

A lot has changed - the new baby is coming soon. We're having a little girl named Lily due in a few weeks. In anticipation of the sympathetic ice-cream eating I've already started exercising and walking 2 to 3 times a day for at least 20 minutes a pop. Tonight I jogged.

It hurt.

What began as a freelance business about 10 months ago has grown to a full fledged content production, marketing and optimization company. I now have a second full time employee and work from home. I'll tell you more about it when my legs aren't screaming profanity at me in the form of throbbing.

Did I mention it hurt to jog?

God bless my pregnant wife, such a trooper. Raising our 3 year old while 8 months pregnant trying to prepare a weekly menu to shave our budget and make life easier. I would only trade her for one thing; A near identical clone. I would just make it so that she enjoyed dungeons and dragons and other fantasy stuff as much as I do.

Ah well - I have several years to corrupt my children and get them to game with me :D



I'm a writer, marketer and I absolutely love copywriting along with anything fantasy related. In my free time I can be found on the beach or the paintball field - sometimes we combine the two. Head over to Thunderbaymedia.net for information on seo copywriting and website copywriting

Piano Lessons eh? mmmmmaaaaaybe

I used to love playing the piano, but could never really master it. Probably had a lot to do with the fact that I never had a piano to do piano lessons but my family didn't really have a lot of money when I was growing up. Paying for piano lessons was pretty much out of the question. I know I never asked, but that's one of those things where you assume the answer will just be "no"

Blah!

So fast forward about 20 years and I'm actually considering piano lessons. I listen to some of the beautiful music at church and think about how nice it would be to be able to play like that at home. It wouldn't take much, probably 6-8 months of regular piano lessons and I could play some nice pieces. Enough to entertain myself and the family.

Enough to belt out some wicked show tunes, or repeat the scene from Pretty Woman in the parlor with my wife. mwahahaha! Piano lessons would be a nice treat, but now it's less about the money and more about the time. I'll figure it out one of these days. In the mean time, I still play spoons pretty good.

See you can learn something from watching Red Green.



Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media for forwebsite copywriting services

The Worst Cat In The World

Ok so he's probably not the worst but he definitely ranks. I'm not entirely sure what or who is possessing this cat to evil but at often I feel like I am enveloped in this good vs. evil battle. me = skywalker, cat = sith emperor.

I feel as though I could write some epic Shakespearean montage around the occurrences between this cat and I. It's not the older cat, oh not. Leo is my home-slice. He's my cat-dog. I'm referring to the awful little monkey-spit that is the younger "kitten". He's about a year and half now but I suppose that is somewhere between kitten and "menace from hell".

I know, you're clicking your tongue at me thinking "oh you're exaggerating, he can't be that bad, kittens are wonderful and cats treat you nice if you just show them so-"

silence, seriously. You know not of what you speak.

This cat... thing. He craves water constantly. But not just any water, his water must be fresh, and cold, and it must have ice cubes. If his water is not all of the above, if his water is older than just a few hours, if his water does not meet his standards of excellence then he sits in the middle of the kitchen and goes

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh"

".....eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEh"

because he doesn't have a manly CAT voice, he has a "im a prissy little annoying monster" I do believe he took lessons from Katie Perry on how to articulate and vocally stab you. Of course that's not all. If he decides that you're taking too long to change the water he starts picking up food from his dish, carries it over to his water bowl and opens his mouth.

*PLOP!* Food in the water dish. Because he thinks if I see that it is dirty, I will change it faster. This has subsided a bit because I will not be manipulated. I make him wait longer for water if he does this.

But the struggle continues! He is not satisfied when he has cold water in his bowl. If there is an alternative to the cold water in his bowl, say...a colder glass of water on the table or my desk then he goes for that. Oh he doesn't just drink from it. No he rams his head into it and knocks it to the floor, shattering it. He has broken over a half dozen glasses doing this. Even if he is left fresh water before bed, he will attempt to get the last smidgen of water from a water glass occasionally left on a counter in the kitchen... knock it over...and shatter it.

Shall I end there? Nay. God forbid that the litter box be clean for more than 30 seconds. If I put fresh litter in, every time, he is digging in it in less than a minute and will deposit the worst load a cat can deposit. Every time. And since I change the box pretty regularly this is almost a daily occurrence.

He has recently taken a fancy to the new garden we're starting, which has to be done inside due to the weather conditions. Green beans, peas, spinach, squash, tomatoes, peppers, corn. He keeps trying to EAT THEM. No matter how we guard them, he keeps trying to get at them and I'm quite literally ready to punch this cat in the face. I know that sounds terribly harsh, and I'd never do it, but it's necessary to express just how frustrated I am with this sack of fur.

To make matters worse, he's not even a good cat in terms of pets. Ive yet to meet a cat that didn't enjoy some measure of being a domesticated cat. IE: They either play, or they cuddle. One of the two, often both. I've met angry cats, but they still cuddle someone most of the time - generally their owner. This cat whines and complains in a long wail if you pick him up. He squirms and wont be held. He stares at you apathetically if you try to pet him, and he doesn't seem to understand the concept of playing. Try to play with him... and he stares at you.

I have a useless cat. Any takers?



Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media

I have no time to waste time... DOH

When I decided to go into business for myself, I neglected to take into account that freetime would go byebye. What's more amusing is that I'm busier now than when I first started copywriting for a living... and when I started doing this I thought I was swamped.

I'm now realizing that it's essentially for me to get more involved in social networking and try to communicate with people more often. "reach out and touch someone". Inappropriate, but true.

Man that brings back memories of my youth. What was that, AT&T that made that slogan? I could probably google it, but I don't have enough free time. *rum bum bum*.

I've been trying to use Twitter more, even though I swore I would never use it. I was actually forced into it. Though I had an account, it lay dormant with very few followers. I started picking up clients that wanted me to integrate their blog marketing and other business strategy with Twitter. *groan* I have no choice but to join the ranks of the Twits. So now I diligently tweet as often as time permits which is getting less and less.

It seems like if I'm tending to one business marketing strategy on Twitter, I'm neglecting the other one on the facebook fanpage for Thunder Bay Media. Or the blog I've started for TBM. I'm still debating on whether or not it's a good thing that I'm so busy organizing the businesses of others that I can't organize my own.

Would it be ironic if an SEO copywriter hired another SEO copywriter to work on his site?

It's also become painfully apparent that we need to move. Business is booming, and my rather large computer desk and office space sits in the living room. One of the services I'm now offering (and clients are ordering) is screencast narration and project videos for tutorials, demos, etc. Hard to do with our shrieking 2 year old squeeling over her toys. Hard to focus on writing with Dora streaming in the background.

"next stop? DRAGON MOUNTAIN! dee dee de dee deeeDOH!"

I'm prepared to buy a wireless router, purchase a small desk, and move into the walk in closet. You chuckle...but I've already got measurements!



Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media

I'd like to purchase this Tank...

The wife and I have considered on and off whether or not we should have a credit card, or multiple credit cards. Usually the discussion pops up when we consider traveling, a road trip, a new activity, or we spot a new toy we want (like the new paintball gun I just purchased). More often than not we end up right back where we're at. No credit cards, just out debit cards.

I'm not real fond of credit lines but I know they work well for a lot of people. I'm just awful at maintaining the balance and getting my payments in on time so I end up dinging myself. If you're going to get one though, just take the time to do a lot of research. In all of our consideration, that's definitely one thing I've done a lot of. Some of the best credit cards can be found online with some nice deals. I live in a smaller community so I wasn't entirely impressed with what the banks around here had to offer.

Visa does have some great affiliate plans though because their rates seem to be the most acceptable regardless of the company I look into. Besides, it's a trusted brand and it's fun to say...

"veeeesaaaaa!" "I want to buy this tank with my visa, put the ammo on my card chap. VEESSAAAA"

I suppose if you're a fan of big toys, credit cards are the way to go. It's not exactly easy to buy everything with cash. Who wants to carry all of that around afterall?

The money, not the tank.


Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media

Why is it so hard to find a good watch?

In my side job, a decent watch is important to have. I still run EMS occasionally even though my full time job is writing. In EMS, you really need to have a good watch. One that can put up with rigorous and torturous work - like when I get my wrist crushed in a door frame between the door and the stretch and the only thing saving my is the watch. I've had more watches fail me this way. That's why it's important for my find a good durable watch for men.

I'm not fond of cheap sporty watches, and metal watches are a great way to get your wrist gouged open when your arm hooks on something. Worse yet is when the watch itself hooks on something and the band snaps or shatters. A well designed watch for men should be able to put with events that occur on a daily basis whether I'm working on an ambulance or tooling around in my garage. I've yet to find a decent one, and it's getting a little frustrating.

My wife has even been snooping about the stores and other online retailers trying to find a decent watch for men that will last me a while. And for me, "a while" is more than 6 months. It's like me and sun glasses. We don't mix. I buy sunglasses and they last about a week. If I don't break them, then the dog eats them or a random piece of furniture swallows them where they are slowly digested over several years. A typical watch for men won't last for me. I am to watches what glaciers were to the Titanic.

Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media

Temptation of a Silverado - and yes I'm posting again.

I just couldn't resist, so I guess I'll continue to post as these things come to me. It may not be as exciting and action packed as it used to be but I'll try and entertain you while I inform everyone of the daily hum drum. With this home business kicking off, we're still kicking around the thought of buying a new car. The wife is pointing me toward a mini-van but I've been a truck man as long as I can remember. Particularly the Chevy Silverado. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it. It's nothing like the s10 I used to have but sometimes you need to upgrade.

The last time I hit up a dealer for one of these trucks I had an issue with the sticker price on it and managed to talk the salesman into giving me a decent brake job on the truck before I left the lot with it. He did, but I ended up ditching the whole deal anyway. Just wasn't the right time for a Chevy Silverado. Hard to walk away from it though because I saw so many of them on the road when I'd run EMS or when I was driving truck – It was like a constant tease.

The nicest one I saw was down in Texas. Completely "tricked out" as it were, fully detailed, sitting outside of a Dallas auto repair shop…with the hood caved in. It made my heart sink just looking at it. That's the kind of thing that inspires a country man to write a song. Thankfully I'm a city slicker and don't measure my hormone cycle on the size of tailpipes. Still, Chevy Silverado is a nice truck – temptation will always be there until something nicer comes along.

Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media

*GASP!* The end of warrior daddy?!

well not quite. At least on blogspot, for now. I have gotten so ridiculously busy with my copywriting business (www.thunderbaymedia.net) that I have no choice but to duck out. Besides, it wouldn't be right for me to continue to maintain the facade that I'm a stay-at-home dad.

I have evolved and transformed into something far more powerful, and cool. Work-at-home dad. I guess that doesn't make me any less of a warrior daddy but the wife is pregnant, and with my need for focus when it comes to work she'll be shifting back to part time work to help wrangle my little 2 year old monkey who has learned to climb.

Everything.

And then she jumps off of it.

The blog is not finished! I will not wink out into obscurity. It's just going to have a different focus, and I'll probably be hosting it elsewhere in a wordpress format. I promise though that whatever I do and wherever I do it, I will invite you to come and laugh at me.

So for now you won't be seeing any more posts on here from me. Sad, I know. You're heartbroken. I think I have like 3 regular readers, and I'm related to two of them.

Until we meet again!

Derek,
Official Warrior Daddy
OOOO-HA-HA

Well that didn't take long

It's official, we're definitely having another baby! We're pregnant! We'll she is, I'm not. I should probably be celebrating. I'm certainly happy. It's just that the first thing that went through my mind was "omg you woke me at 6am to tell me THAT?!" but, once I got my bearings straight I started wondering how I was going to get any work done at home. I have requested that the wife reduce her work schedule because I just keep getting busier. Gonna make the preggy lady do the child rearin. (gonna get in trouble for that one)

The potty training has been one of the most interesting roller coaster rides I've taken in a little while. Emma has pee'd in some of the most interesting places. Take, for example, the fact that she has Dora panties. They have a picture of Doras smiling face on the front of the panties. Emma says to me the other day

"Oh no. I pee'd on Dora's Head"

Do you know how often I've been wanting to do that? Ok so the panties aren't an unusual place to pee. However, there's more. She has a ridable tigger that has giant wheels on it. She can sit on tigger and propel herself around. He's a giant, solid stuffed tigger.

"I pee'd on tigger."

*sigh*

Not quite as bad as the most recent oops. The wife and I are in the living room, Emma is playing in her bedroom. She JUST went pee on her potty and she proclaims. "I POOPED!". This is where we look at each other and contemplate quietly, remembering that she is enjoying naked time, so any poop during naked time is bad. We had a silent parental stand off, quietly watching each other in mock-horror.

Secretly we were just seeing who would move first to clean it up. I won, because I was working. I are naughty. She's getting better, she's asking to go to the potty. If she has an accident, she is catching herself and telling us she needs to go potty, even if she did dribble a little.

I just keep...wondering... as I pull out my hair - Will it ever end? Or will I have a 17 year old daughter, taking her SAT's, who suddenly raises her hand to the teacher and sweetly proclaims: "I pooped."

Derek Cromwell is a freelance copywriter, generating expert, quality content and online marketing campaigns for businesses on the web. For information on copywriting and ghostwriting services, head to Thunder Bay Media